I've been thinking a lot over the last few months about my future and myself. I had a slightly rough autumn. I had to have another surgery this fall as a result of my cycling accident in October 2009. I built this second surgery up in my mind because the first one was so awful. It turned out to be a cake walk compared to the first one but because of the few days I was on painkillers and because I basically cleared my fall schedule of extra curricular activities for the surgery, I ended up rather melancholy. This lead to a bit of an evaluation of my career goals and, quite simple, of what makes me, me.
I'm not a stranger to reinvention, having done it a few times in my life (moving to Halifax, leaving Halifax, etc.) but this has not really been about a full reinvention. I just got a little bit lost! I've long thought about what my next career move will be: will it be law? An MBA? A Masters in Women's Studies? Becoming a midwife? Starting my own design business? I've started, this fall, crossing things off the list. Law, frankly, sounds like more work than I want to do. I'm not exactly the wheeling and dealing type that I picture an MBA candidate to be. Which leads me to Women's Studies. Last week, I met with the Graduate Student advisor for Women's Studies at UBC. Turns out I don't have enough Women's Studies undergrad credits to do it (duh!). The other daunting thing is that when I asked the advisor about job prospects after the degree, they all seemed to lead to more school. So, that's temporarily off the list. In lieu of going to grad school, I signed up for the Doula course that is offered by DONA at Douglas College next weekend. I'm pretty excited about it. I have visions of becoming this part-time Doula, part-time designer dynamo. Sweet, right?!
All of this occupation-related soul searching has also lead me to think about who I am, exactly. Sounds really cheesy when you put it into words, but it's still a think that I think is worth thinking, if you know what I mean! For all my interests, there's not that much I feel a burning passion to fill my free time with. I've been picking away at exercise activities instead of finding something I really love -- a very decent replacement, actually, but it's not totally tooting my horn. One of the things I've been doing with Nick, my ever-listening, ever-patient, fella, is swimming once a week. We both spent A LOT of time in the pool as kids, on rival swim teams as it turns out and we both love the water. Besides the exercise euphoria I get after swimming, it's a wonderful time for Nick and I to talk (in the hot tub after) and I leave the pool feeling like I just spent the most luxurious hour. (The steam room and sauna certainly don't hurt!) This once weekly event really feeds my soul. So I got to thinking about that this morning: resulting in a question really. How do I fold more of that luxuriousness into my life? While I'm still left with a question, I think I'm onto something: follow that feeling ... it's gotta lead me somewhere good.
I think that a big part of all of this is to figure out what to do on my own. I'm a person that really likes other peoples company. I feel my happiest when I'm gossiping with friends, talking to my boyfriend or debating something juicy and controversial at a dinner party. All of that is great but given too much time to myself, I get pretty squirrelly, and in the interest of full disclosure, too dependent on others for my happiness. This is not good. I'm not going to beat myself up about it, but I do know it needs to slowly change. I think finding some activity that I'm as drawn to as I am to books, TV and conversation is part of finding ... whatever it is I'm looking for. Inner peace? Stress relief? That feeling I get après nage?
I happened across a friend's blog from art school today too. She writes passionately about her love of design (as well as her new baby) and it's a lovely little blog. It looks like she has a cute little design business on the side, which got me to thinking. I think I'll leave the potential for freelance business to another blog post though.
That's all for now. Part of my pursuit of that feeling is writing like this. It's an absolute luxury and privilege that I get to express myself so freely in this manner. I must do it more often ... even if only my auntie Terri reads it!
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