be stevie nicks.

I hadn't heard about Tavi Gevinson until today, but man do I like her now!

(Incidentally, I also love Stevie Nicks, so I loved the conclusion to this talk.)

P.S. Another favourite Ted Talk. And this is genius, and funny!

{Video via YouTube.}

funniest video. this year. (so far.)

This video had me laughing so hard I couldn't speak for several minutes.

NSFW because your coworkers will look at you strangely when you snort and cry. And also because there is farting in it ... not ideal for coworker relations.

Video via UCB Comedy.

the bravery of one. {updated.}

{Or the disappointing outcome of the Pitt Meadows sexual assault case.} 

Like everyone else, I couldn't help but be horrified when I read about the gang rape of a 16-year-old girl at a party in Pitt Meadows last year. The case was especially horrific because photos and video of the assault were circulated on Facebook. I was really happy to hear about the arrest of one man for sexual assault and another for distributing child pornography. This week, though, it was a different story. The man who was arrested for sexual assault has had the charges stayed and the victim has been reduced to asking for witnesses to come forward through the media to help get any kind of conviction for the men responsible for what happened to her. Whether or not the man who was charged was part of assault, it is completely shameful that no one else has been arrested for the actual assault. The police know for certain that the girl was raped and it seems impossible to me that no one else has been arrested when the entire incident was caught on film (or digital 'film' as it were).

And so the only thing that I can say is to the victim: regardless of what the outcome of the judicial process is, don't let this event change your life for worse. You are tough and impressive. Standing up in public and urging witnesses to come forward is spectacularly brave and important. I really hope that all of the men who participated in this horrible act are convicted of the crime they committed. This cannot be the end of this. And to any witnesses: come forward. You can be brave too.

Update: I've noticed (through my blog's stats) that people are actively searching for pictures of this horrible event because this post has popped up in lieu of the pictures. Searching for photos of the sexual assault of this girl re-victimizes her and makes you an accomplice to a crime. Think about it. If this happened to your sister, daughter, mother, friend, would you want people looking for pictures of it on the Internet?

why do we still need feminism?

These days, the word feminism has a bad reputation.

The truth is being a feminist is a jumble of things. First wave feminism was, in a nutshell, about getting women to be seen as persons in their own right, instead of property of the men in their life. Second wave feminism was (again, in a nutshell) about giving women the right to entry into all areas of workforce. A lot of people say that we are in the third wave of feminism now. These days feminism (in Canada) is about much different things than it was a hundred years ago.

But fundamentally, feminism has always been about respect between people in varying degrees.

So why do we still need feminism? There just isn't enough respect going around for anyone. Because of a lack of respect of typically feminine traits, women can get pushed into situations where they are in danger, uncomfortable and alone. Creeping radical conservatism is happening at the same time as the hyper-sexualization of girls and women. That is why we still need feminism.

I'm not saying that things aren't better than they once were. We're lucky to live in this country where feminism has accomplished so much. But we can always be better and lead by example for countries that are struggling to recognize the potential in their women.

Another article on this very topic

The dire need for more feminism outside of Canada:
India's Dalit girls
Half the Sky

And on raunch culture:
Female Chauvinist Pigs

On boys and feminism:
It's time boys learn the F-word

occupy vancouver.

I didn't attend Occupy Vancouver this weekend but I did catch part of it. (Nick's parents were here this weekend and we were downtown for a bit on Saturday.) I have to say that I agree with the sentiments of the Occupy Wall Street movement. I think that the gap between the rich and the rest of us is too great and not for a good reason. There's a lot going on in the world that's not okay with me and I'm glad that people are starting to point that out to the people in charge.

teen mom. (no, seriously.)

{Image via Flickr ... of adults, just FYI.}

Since I'm revealing secrets this week (alley combing, anyone?) I thought I share some thoughts about MTV's Teen Mom. Ya, you heard me. Though I think I've kept it a well-guarded secret on my blog, I LOVE television. So much so that we don't have a TV because I almost can't be trusted around one. Fortunately Unfortunately, I can find almost any show I could want to watch online these days. My 'shows' include the good (Dexter, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory), the bad (Sister Wives, The Bachelor[ette], Hoarders) but never the ugly (Toddlers and Tiaras, The Real Housewives of Everywhere ... no. Just no.). One of my favourites that definitely falls into the bad category is MTV's Teen Mom. Maybe it's because I'm working on being a doula or maybe I'm just a sucker for teenage drama, but I haven't missed an episode. (While I'm being honest, I haven't missed and episode of 16 and Pregnant either.)

Recently though, I've been hearing a lot of debate about whether or not this show is good for teen girls. Since I'm only seven years out of my teenage years, I've given this a lot of thought. Entertainment value (or lack thereof) aside I think that the show might be good for teen girls. This comes down, as so many things do, to a question of balance. The reason I've heard bandied around for why the show is bad for teen girls is that apparently there are teenage girls out there who have tried to or have gotten pregnant for the purpose of ending up on the show. This is horrifying, obviously. However I have to wonder if the show actually prevents a lot of teenage pregnancies. The show is super popular (and I mean super: the popularity of the names Maci and Bentley, names of a teen mom and her son from the show, have skyrocketed in the last year) and teen girls are watching it. Though I find that it takes a more conservative viewpoint than I'd like, it does push the issue of teen pregnancy into the spotlight. Most importantly I think Teen Mom shows other teens just how hard being a teen parent is. (As in if you get pregnant the likelihood is that you won't be able to afford baby clothes at Wal Mart, you'll have to give up your love of dance/cheerleading/marching band and your significant other, while he or she sticks around, won't help you as much as they should and then they'll leave you.) Also, the show seems to make the words condom and birth control pill less taboo and even shows alternative forms of birth control (the Depo shot and the IUD being the most prevalent amongst the girls to prevent a second pregnancy). I also think that it's a great case study into what abstinence only sex education has done for America. We're not perfect in Canada either (though we don't only teach abstinence), but the States has the highest rate of teen pregnancy in the developed world.

Speaking of sex education, I have to go to the feminist part of this discussion, of course. The thing that I see over and over again on the show is that many of the teen fathers don't take enough responsibility in the lives of or even production of their children, which is, needless to say, really irritating. They seem to all think that the baby is more the girl's problem than theirs. What's more irritating is that most of the press around the show concentrates on the girls' choices and not the boys who are half at fault for the situation. Take for example the  Dr. Oz Show (ya, ya, we've already established that I watch bad TV). He interviewed a few of the girls on his show this year. I was so angry at his portrayal of the girls that I almost couldn't watch. Though his track record for going into anything useful in detail when it comes to female-specific controversial topics is pretty poor, this one was really bad. The subtext of Dr. Oz's show was that these girls had made poor life decisions and that abstinence was the only form of birth control. At no time did he talk about the boys having anything to do with the pregnancies and he raked all the girls over the coals for their choices.

I'm not advocating teen sex here. All I'm saying is if we really want to solve the problem of teen pregnancy, let's take the morality out of it and talk about empowering girls instead of shaming them. Let's teach all of our teens about birth control, NOT JUST abstinence. I know the conservative old guys want girls to remain virgins until their wedding night (but not boys ... do THAT math) but giving girls knowledge and confidence is the best way to solve this social problem. (Because we do have some conservative old guys in charge of our little country right now.) Shame will just result in more pregnant kids and one thing we can all agree on is that kids having kids is not good for anyone.

(Speaking of shame, I can't believe that I just admitted that I watch The Bachelorette on the internet. Amazing what getting pissed off will make you share. But seriously, Bentley's an actor right? He can't be a real contestant? I digress.)

For those of you who have gotten to this point, thanks for reading the longest post on my blog so far! I'd love to hear what you think in the comments section. Also, if you'd like to watch some bad TV, here is the link to Teen Mom. And for good measure, here is a link to Planned Parenthood ... just in case. XO

slut walk vancouver. the day after.

{Slut Walkers on Granville Street.}

As I mentioned last week, I attended Slut Walk Vancouver on Sunday. It was more than I could have hoped for. Thousands of people (I think, I'm terrible at estimating attendees) showed up and all kinds of different people. I was especially impressed by the number of men that attended and by the amount of people who brought their kids. I should have had more faith that men and families and all kinds of people would turn out, but I'm so glad so many people came. I hope that through the news stories about it and through the observations of the bystanders that watched us march, the message is getting across: no means no, regardless of what you're wearing, your behavior, and your environment.

P.S. Here's a great column by Heather Mallick from The Toronto Star that explains Slut Walk perhaps a little more eloquently than I do. Or at least it answers the question about what to wear that a lot of people asked me before Sunday ...

{His shirt reads: "Man slut in solidarity."}

{I love that men and families came too.}

{A great slogan.}

{What Vancouver protest is complete without umbrellas and rain?}

{In the middle of it.}

{Loved these outfits and this hair!}

{I really loved the slogan on the right: "Real men take 'no' for an answer."}

{Red-lipped and ready for action.}

{Me and my fellow Slut Walkers: Erin and Sam, my friends and former roomies, and Nick.}

slut walk vancouver.

{Image via Slut Walk Vancouver.}

On Sunday I will be attending Slut Walk Vancouver. If you're uncomfortable with the name, you should be. (I am too -- see below -- and I feel pretty strongly about this!) Slut Walk Vancouver is inspired by and in solidarity with Slut Walk Toronto. SWT was start in response to a Toronto policeman's advice to women to avoid dressing like sluts if they don't want to be sexually assaulted. I'm not sure why this particular disparaging comment has galvanized everyone but it doesn't matter. Slut Walk is here to prove that it doesn't matter what you wear, how you act or what environment you're in: NO ONE asks to be sexually assaulted or raped. The idea behind this is to start punishing the people that assault, not their victims.

If you'd like to join me (ladies and gentlemen, Nick is going too ... seriously how did I get so lucky?) please let me know. Everyone is meeting at the art gallery at 1PM on Sunday and according to Facebook, it's almost 4000-strong and still a few days away. There are also slut walks in Edmonton and Halifax and many other cities across the world.

P.S. Just in case you were wondering: slut [sluht] -noun 1. a dirty, slovenly woman. 2. an immoral or dissolute woman; prostitute. (From dictionary.com.)

Slut is not a word I like and try never to use. The fact that there are so many more derogatory words in the English language for women than for men is something that really troubles me. These words objectify and hurt women. (Don't get me wrong, I don't think pasteurizing the English language is a good idea, I just think it needs to be part of the conversation.)

Next post will be back to your regularly scheduled, less-preachy programming. Promise.

{Update: Want to know how it went? Click here.}

vote.

{A very tame Canada goose hanging in Kits who wants you to vote too.}

Dear friends, not to be preachy but please get out there today and exercise your democratic rights. Vote! Do some reading, talk to your peers and get thee to a voting station.

{Update: I saw quite a few people actually high-five their friends as they left the election station today. How cool/dorky is that? Yay, democracy!}

reverence.

Nick's sister posted a Facebook status the other day asking for great TED talks. It made me think that I should post my absolute favourite TED talk of all time in my little corner of the web here. Isabel Allende is an amazing woman, even if I've yet to finish one of her books. This TED talk is truly inspiring and makes me cry almost every time. I love that Isabel is funny, flirtatious and totally in command of herself and her sexuality, all the while being a strong feminist (they are not mutually exclusive, friends).  I listen to it every few months and think about it often. If you've ever had any doubt about why feminism is still relevant, this talk will convince you that it is. I promise though, it is one of the funniest TED talks I've ever heard and will engage everyone, even if you shy away from the f-word.

While discussing things I feel strongly about, I have to mention the federal election on Monday. There has been a lot more discussion about the youth vote this time. I have to throw my two-cents in. Please vote! It's so important even if it feels futile sometimes. I especially feel that it's important for young women to vote because we couldn't in Canada just 100 years ago. What's the old adage ... use it or lose it?! Just sayin'. Happy Friday, friends.

really? REALLY?

Though I've expanded my blog repertoire I do want to go back to my roots for a moment. I read an article in the Globe and Mail today that turned my stomach. A woman was raped and the guy who did it got a ridiculously lenient sentence (the ol' two years less a day, but under HOUSE arrest). That is actually not the part that bugs me (well, not as much). The part that really makes me mad is the comments that the judge gave in handing down the ruling. He gave the standard, 'well, she was dressed provocatively and didn't really say no.' Though I'm not a particularly provocative dresser, I do believe it's a person's right to dress however they want (as long as it falls within a certain modesty ie. no bits on display) and furthermore, the woman clearly didn't want to have sex with the guy and he forced her to. She didn't have to say no verbally, she was clearly saying no in other ways. The judge also points to the fact that the woman's friend made out with the guy's friend and said that was an indication that the woman was up for sex and partying. Apparently partying now includes rape.

I think the judge that presided in this case should be fired. He's so far been temporarily suspended from presiding over any cases of a sexual nature. That's not enough. He should be fired because he clearly thinks that women are chattel. And he sadly get to dictate some of the rules in our country with this warped sense of justice. This, my friends, is why feminism can't die. We have to convince people like Judge Robert Dewar that just because a woman wears a tube top and has friends who like to make out with other friends doesn't mean she an object to be played with.

Rosie the riveter image from wikipedia. Originally by J. Howard Miller in 1942. 

missing the point.

I recently came across this article in the Globe and Mail.

From the title "Will Aussies elect a childless woman as PM?" I was expecting something sort of ridiculous. Instead I found an article that was really ridiculous. The article seemed to miss a really important argument about gender politics in, well, politics. The author of the article, Brenda Bouw, who I admit, I know nothing about, could have used her article to ask why we should even care that the Australian prime minister is, as she put it, childless and living in sin. While Bouw seems to be trying to fight the good fight in this article, I think she's missing a bigger and more poignant argument: in 2010, why should we care that a woman choses not to have children and to live with a man she's not married to? I think that she should have concluded her article by acknowledging that while there are many people in Australia (and around the world) that are uncomfortable with looking to an unmarried, childless woman for the leadership of their country, Julia Gillard shouldn't have to explain her choices at all. No man in her position would have to explain his choices. I think that Bouw was trying to almost excuse Gillard's choices which I don't think is very productive for women anywhere. When Nicolas Sarkozy was elected president of France, I remember some discussion of his marital status, especially when he married Carla Bruni, a model/actress/singer. But there wasn't much coverage of the fact that he had just been divorced and there certainly wasn't any discussion about whether his divorce/remarriage (for the third time)/beautiful wife/three children were going to detract from his ability to govern France because no one really cared all that much. He's a man!

Women in the western world have the luxury now of being able to choose any life they want: children, no children, married, single, divorced and in a growing number of places in the world (hurrah!) they can chose to do that with a man, another woman or someone in between those two. I'm really tired, however, of people being asked to explain their choice. Can't we just let it be? Is it too much NOT to ask a couple in their twenties when they're going to get married? (Though, I secretly some times love when people ask me that question, but in my defense, so does my boyfriend.) Or when a couple in their thirties or forties are going to have children? I think despite women's mostly-equal status and the striking down of Prop. 8 (for now) we still just want everyone to fit into neatly married (to someone of the opposite sex), child-filled white picketed boxes. If that is ever going to change, we really need to start thinking the think, even if we are walking the walk.